sober thoughts 5

We're born a boy with dreams of becoming a man. But not all of us reach that goal some of us just grow to become a bigger boy

sober thought 4

As i lay here missing you i dream of the day i can once again be entwined with you.

sober thoughts 3

Cant stop thinking about you cant stop dreaming about you everytime i close my eyes its your face i see.

sober thought 2

when i said i loved you i meant that forever. And when i said that youre mine i meant death to anyone that tried to take you from me.

sober thoughts

so idk if its just me or what but saying goodbye this time was way easier, i think its part cause i did it before and i knew what to expect and i knew what things not to think about so that i wouldent get all upset and what not and part because i turned down the emotions dial im so happy still able to do that i have manipulated my emotions in a while i was kinda worried i wasnt gonna be able to do it but it just all came back to me. so i think im gonna keep them turned down for the semester not gonna torture myself like i did all last semster cant have that happen again the whole being depressed and shit that shit just aint me ive been doing alota things that are outa my character with this girl most of them arent bad and i dont mind but this whole missing her like crazy shit and being depressed and letting her hold me back like i did last semester thats not happening this semester, so im turning down the emotional dial a hell of alot and bring out a little bit of the old me not the relationship endangering part like the nubers game or anything its just the extra parts that are needed for me to be able to keep my emotions in check.
i find amazing how far ive come, if you told me a couple years ago this is where id be now i wouldent believe you hell if you told me a couple months ago this is where id be i wouldent have believed you. im one of those people now you know the relationship people and no matter how disgusting that thought is to me thats what i am now and i really dont mind it. like i realized im up here over 200 miles away from her and theres quality females all around me and guess what theyre not temptation like i see some really nice quality walk by and im just like ok thats nice good for u whatever wow wtf happened to me. oh well i dont mind too much
so umm yeh 9 weeks. i say bring it on.
umm yeh thats all i have for right i think thats enough dont you?....

1st day

so today was the first day of class. i like this having my earliest class at 10:50 i think 10 is my time to wake up. writing 111 should be easy im not worried about that. history shouldent be bad either its basically european history with actaual history not all art like with sesso. the professor is so boring though i have the urge to kill myself just to escape the bordom. you can tell hes not used to teaching hes one of those that knows his stuff but isnt gonna teach well, so we'll see how that goes.
so im hitting the gym tomorrow i really need to do this i need to hit that gym and hit it hard.

round 2

im back lol.
so apparently my mom thinks im having all kinds of sex or that im some kind of casenova or something. like i really must give off that vibe that im some kind of sexual savant or something or like im getting all kinds of girls comming at me 24/7 spread eagle i only wish that were true well not like id do anything with them but damn id have one hell of an ego. but yeh anyway moving on after she dropped me off she was like "i didnt get u any condoms" im like "im good taras at home what am i gonna do" shes like "well i dont know what you do", im like umm ok 2 things did i just tell my mom me and my gf are having sex and 2. omg my mother thinks im having so much more sex that i am thats kinda depressing im not living up to my moms expectations lol. like the thought process went through her head oh he should be done with the 12 pack by now he'll need more for all the sex he'll be having this semester. this is my mother just wow

blog diarreah

word so im back in bing finally kinda felt like i never left in a way but in other ways i gotta get used to the being in college and away thing but yeh im happy to be back i really like being away. but yeh this is my working semester ive got a beast scheduel with easy classes i need straight A's and i plan to get them.
i realized that ive been thinking alot lately like analyzong things and whatnot i havent done that in a while i guess my brain has been off for a few months it neeeded a rest and now its back and ready for action.
so im getting a gym membership this semester thats another thing im working on my body ive been bitching and moaning about being skinny and not muscular so im gonna finally legit do something about it ive tried in the past but every time i wouldent stick with it this time i am. oh god i hope i dont turn into a phil and always telling people about how muscular i am and shit lmao imagine not gonna happen.
i still want to do something different and idk what it is, i dont want another piercing yet so idk i feel like ive been doing the same shit forever i just want a change i just dont know what yet guess thats the problem with having the same routine forever u dont know any other way.
i like this whole blogging concept its kinda fun i guess u can say its not the right word but i cant think of the word to describe it but oh well whatever, i like it and thats all that matter. its always like oh idk what to write so thats why i might skip a day but when i do force myself to start it all just comes out like jay said i just get bloggers diarreah ok thats such a wierd spelling of that word if u think about it. i dont think ive ever written that word before in my life cool.
there is so much temptation up here but then at the same time theres not cause i know im not gonna do anything so its really not temptation cause im not tempted to do anything theres is just alot of attractive females up here and i can appreciate that but seriously what straight guy cant appreciate and attractive female when they see one.
i fell like this is incomplete and that i have more to say but idk nothing is coming right this second if it does all just blog again.

apocalyptica

so im hella bored right know listening to some apocalyptica. i must say i really like them, its not about the lyrics its all about the instrumentals and im am thoroughly impressed at how sick this chello metal sounds. these guys are clasically trained finish chelloist and its just sick. thanks jay for introducing them to me. another great choice in music.

end transmission

Pull the top down, use your knees to drive.
I'll make it worth your while just let me taste the sky.
You pressed your mouth on mine and fed me a star
Then said "we never can truly know who we are."
Know who we are.

With the lights out and the night inside
The broken radio was playing suicide.
I felt myself falling.
I confessed to you "I saw a body."
You said you'd seen a few.

This night has only just begun.
If there's discretion that you've not abandoned now's the time.
We'll burn to best the morning's son.
Go grab your bag I'll bring the gun, the gun.

Keep the top down use your knees to drive.
I'll hide these words. They're only yours to find.
You pressed your mouth on mine and said they'd call us stars.
You said "we never can truly know who we are."

This night has only just begun.
If there's discretion that you've not abandoned now's the time.
We'll burn to best the morning's son.
Go grab your bag I'll bring the gun, the gun.

Everything was burning bright.
Everyone was frightened.
You said stay strong.
Everybody knowing that what we'd invited
Still remains when we're gone.

This night has only just begun.
If there's discretion that you've not abandoned now's the time.
We'll burn to best the morning's son.
Go grab your bag I'll bring the gun, oh.

This night has only just begun.
If there's discretion that you've not abandoned now's the time.
We'll burn to best the morning's son.
Go grab your bag I'll bring the gun, the gun.
I'll bring the gun
Oh...

2 days

so word i leave in 2 days woot woot. im kinda excited for next semester like i did horrible last semester but im gonna beast out this semester and just make these classes my bitch just bend them over a nd just fuck them prison style.
but yeh nothing really happened today i finally got my hair cut and my beard trimmed so im not on bum status anymore.
burn notice is a beast show. its no NCIS but then again nothing is.
so umm yeh thats all i have for right now, im pretty sure more will come later.

?

so im going back to school in a couple days. is it bad that im happy about the fact that ill be 4 hours and 290 miles away from my girlfriend? now dont get me wrong i love her and i love spending time with her and i do miss her when im not with her but idk, i guess its because its what im used to and its what ive grown comfortable with. like i used to see her everyday and i was ok with that, but ive gotten used to not seeing her everyday and i guess i really didnt readjust to seeing her so often again. i kinda feel like shes getting clingy which i know shes not, idk guess the whole me never being in a legit relationship factor is coming through, thats really a bullshit excuse and should really stop using it. ok im gonna put something out there, the real reason i dont like relationships and i always try to bail out as fast as i can is because im afraid of becoming my fasther and cheat so i always try to "escape" before i get too deep and involved in a relationship, cause i dont want to risk that. cause frankily i like girls alot and i like alota different girls, thats not even true right now cause theres only one girl that has my attention right now, wow thats a scary thought i dont even know what i was trying to stay when i started this its not like i want to be far away from her but at the same time i do. yeh i know confusing im confusing myself right now. grr this is annoying just when i think ive gotten ove my issues i realize i havent. omg eww gross let me stop im starting to sound like one of those whiny annoying bitches.
so yeh random thought =3 is hella funny RayWilliamJohnson. i was straight doing your mom.

ok im way too tired to do a legit blog right now my brain isnt working all the way this is all i got. but today was a good day :)

corner its first grade

so i think im gonna give anyone that wants to talk to me a spelling test before they get the privilage of talking to me

not the new twitter

i think i need to get up on my blogspot blogging game so this doesent turn out like my twitter i start it use it for a little then forget to use, cause i actually like this so i gotta keep up with this.

sleepy

so yeh idk what to write so im gonna go with random shit woot lets go. so yesterday was my 5 month im pretty sure thats the longest block of time straight ive had a girlfriend go me. so yeh some people shouldent lie they are really bad at it if your gonna lie atleast be good at it, if your gonna be that bad you should just tell the truth. yeh so im really sleepy idk why oh well thats all i got for now i think im gonna pass out.

my future ex-wives

My singing wife



My dancing wife


My cooking wife

blog 1

yeh so so i didnt blog yesterday idk what happened i just totally forgot, i didnt think about anything to blog yesterday so that might have been part of the reason oh well im just gonna have to blog twice today i already have my second blog planned out. i have a feeling im not gonna do that whole journal deep thoughts thing too often thats just not me.
so yeh me and jay are gonna be those people i used to make fun of all the time and go visit the high school today. should be interesting. oh and having no money suckes ass. but im not complaining too much atleast im not one of those people in rwanada getting raped in the ass lol thanks ma for always seeing the line and always crossing it by alot

hmmm...

i need a water proof tape recorder to put in the shower thats wehre i get my best ideas and as soon as i get out i lose them. damn. like i just had basically my entire blog thought out and then by the time i get outa the shower and come upstairs to write it i totally forgot it fuck, it was a good one too oh well.
i think it was something about making this blog like my daily journal putting down my thoughts and what not instead of just random stuff. since i know you two are the only ones that are gonna read it and id probably tell u guys anyway. crap what was it it was good stuff too.
i think it was something like saying that ive never had an outlet for whats on my mind and whats bothering me and what my problems are cause i dont want to burden people with my problems and every has theyre problems i they dont need to worry about mine yet thats what i do i help people with theyre problems and always cram mine away thats not the healthies thing so i think im gonna stop doing that and use this as a place to do that. i find it funny how i told mom im depressed and her first reaction is to tell me to get over myself and then today shes like im worried about u waiting too long to tell me when something is wrong cause i told her not to worry about me. and aparently she worried im suicidal. im not gonna kill myself and if i was i wasnt gonna be one of those attention seeking idiots, id just do it and shed have no idea when i was gonna do it.

p.s. Ke$ha id hit that. jay google her.

....

so i figured three days of ranting was enough so im gonna go a different route today. i was considering doing a recap of 2009 then i realized there is no way i was gonna be able to do that since my memory is crap and i forget alot. i think jay and i are gonna have to team up to do that one. so ive finally decided to do things for me live life for me and only me and do what i want and not care what other people think and what not cause really when it comes down to it your the only one that matters. you came into this world alone and your gonna leave it alone so why should you give a damn about anyone else they dont matter at all. thats just one of my little life theories there are alot ill put them in sporatically. so its 2010 what are we gonna call these theyve had 10 years to figure this out and they still dont knwo and seriously they made that a news story what to call this decade thats just pathetic that they couldent find any other important news stories. but thats whatever im used to them putting in those retarted fluff pieces. yeh random thought that just popped into my head that happens alot, hmm i should link this to my phone i get random thoughts all the time so that way i can just text them whenever i get them. hmm i should tweet more maybe ill make that my random thoght spot oh well i ll figure it out, shit am i talking to myself yeh i think i am oh well i do that all the time its fun though its fun to talk to yourself in the third person it kinda gives the illusion that your talking to ta different person, try it out some time. so i think im gonna make fuck my word of the year, its one of if not the most versatile words in the english language. think about it.

dr. phil

Dispite what everyone might think im not dr. phil. i am not your personal therapist so dont constantly come to me with your problems, its fine every now and then but not everytime you talk to me your life cant be that bad and from what youve told me its not, so dont come at me with "i hate my life" cause your life is honestly that bad so stop being such whiny bitches oh boo hoo poor you your having guy problems big fucking woop your not the first and only one to ever have relationship problems but i have an uber simple solution to your problem stop going out with total dirtbags seriously i tell you theyre dirtbads and then you come back to me to bitch about the shit they did well big fucking surprise thats what happens when you dont listen to me and then even after they do fucked up shit you still go out with them again and then your surprised when they do something again and you come to me expecting sympathy? well your not getting it here you were a dumb bitch and you got what you deserved. one of them tried to rape you and then a couple months later you come to me saying that your talking to him again and that you might love him and that he changed are you fucking retarted? and i tell you thats total bullshit and your all hurt and upset when he says all he wants from you is sex? big fucking surprise. i am baffled though that someone would want only sex from you your not attractive like not even in the slightest frankly that thought is just disgusting and makes me want to hurl but i guess if your that desperate to come to you for sex youll have sex with anything. but i digress on to the next one. ok my onlyt advice to you is get over him you were stuck on the same guy for three years thats just pathetic, three years get over it move on he doesent want your fat ass anymore. ok so youve finally gotten ove him and youve found someone else only problem is hes 28 and your 18 ok thats not even the major problem in this scenario the major thing is the little fact that HES MARRIED AND HAS A CHILD, so i tell you to stay away and you come at me with this bullshit "oh i cant there is just something about him i cant" that is by far one of the dumbest things ive ever heard ok so you like a married guy ok whatever thats all good and dandy so then you go on to tell me well we've been flirting and talking and holding hands and kissing and then you say something that blew my mind "thats not cheating we're not having sex so thats not cheating" since when do you have to have sex to cheat on someone? and then youre like oh its no big deal and you dont have any sympathy cause your not the one in the relationship. so your fine with being the side hoe? that just screams a good person doesent it. so i gave up on trying to show you how wrong it is and just tell you dont fall for this guy and what do you do? you fall for him and then your coming to me saying you fell in love with him and your all upset cause u cant have him you knew this when u first started having feelings for him its not some kinda new revalation so dont come bitching to me that your love life sucks and that you cant have him cause i dont give a damn stop being such a whiny bitch and get over it. if your gonna come to me for advice atleast listen to it and follow my advice cause i dont say it for my own good i say it for yours. If you really believe your lives are so horrible before you come to me and waste my time just kill yourself just do yourself and whoever has to listen to ur insesant whining namely me a favor and just end it put all of us out of your misery.

just an f.y.i

ok im gonna let you people in on a little sercret im my own independent person no one can get me to do anything i really want to or not want to do, no one can influence my opinion. so going to him to try to get him to talk me out of something or to put in a good word for you doesent work ok he knows me really well but he doesent control me or my thoughts. so let me give you a little advice if there is anything that involves you and i dont go to him cause hes not gonna do shit to help your case come to me cause im the one that it involves and that matters. he could talk and tell me things til he was hoarse its not gonna help you im a stubborn person and ive got my own mind and he cant change it. it really irritates me when you drag him into our problems or situations, if i wanted him involved i would have brought him into the loop myself hes got his own shit to deal with certain things i keep him out of for a reason frankly its not his business and i dont need him knowing everything. so in summary if there is an issue come to me not him because im the only one that has any effect on the situation.

Fat ugly people

Dear all you fat and ungly people that think your attractive im gonna let you in on a little secret ur not omg ur the farthest thing from it. Honestly just stop ur fat ur ugly so act like it. dont wear tight and revealing clothes, i know i sure as hell dont want to see every crack and crevace of u and to see all ur rolls and im sure no one else wants to see that. I admit i used to have a thing for fat girl i have no idea why that is its not something im proud of but it happened. but i dont have a problem with fat people or ugly people its the ones that act like theyre hot, YOURE NOT HOT!!!! just accept that and act like what u are fat and ugly. the world would be better off that way