people need to grow up for serious grab ur balls grab or ur ovaries and man or woman up, so sick of it

ive come to the conclusion that i want to get intouch with my roots. get to know who my people are cause i really dont. i dont even know most of the people in my family...

speak your words speak those beautiful words straight to my soul. throw those daggers those deadly daggers, aim for my chest that is where my heart lies. spit that venom assault my mind, you will never know how you affect me, you will never know what you do to me, you will never know the thoughts i had of you the thoughts i had of, the thoughts that never came to reality and never will. whisper those sweet words those lovely words that melt me more and more with each syllabe, no better yet save your breath they will never melt me again see i have this hard shell that you will never penetrate. hold me tight caress me is that what you wish to do, you lost your chance, you will never be that close to me again, you long for me you wish me back, wishes and dreams are all you have to hold on to now, ive left and im not coming back. you had me you lost me and now you will have to live with that.

whats on my mind. whats in a name what in a day whats in a word. what does it all matter. does it matter to you does it mmatter to me. what is love what does it do what does it feel like. what is hate does it burn u up inside does it radiate through you finger tips or is it just a word, four letter strung together that we are told sound a way and mean something. does anything mean the same to you and me. these are just few thoughts running through my head

Bill of rights

I. Freedom of Speech, Press, Religion and Petition

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.


II. Right to keep and bear arms

A well-regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.


III. Conditions for quarters of soldiers

No soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.


IV. Right of search and seizure regulated

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.


V. Provisons concerning prosecution

No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the militia, when in actual service in time of war or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use without just compensation.


VI. Right to a speedy trial, witnesses, etc.

In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense.


VII. Right to a trial by jury

In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury shall be otherwise reexamined in any court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.


VII. Excessive bail, cruel punishment

Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.


IX. Rule of construction of Constitution

The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.


X. Rights of the States under Constitution

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.

7 deadly sins

Pride is excessive belief in one's own abilities, that interferes with the individual's recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise. Pride is also known as Vanity.

Envy is the desire for others' traits, status, abilities, or situation.

Gluttony is an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires.

Lust is an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body.

Anger is manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury. It is also known as Wrath.

Greed is the desire for material wealth or gain, ignoring the realm of the spiritual. It is also called Avarice or Covetousness.

Sloth is the avoidance of physical or spiritual work.

how many have you broken?

10 Commandments

I am the Lord thy God, ... Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven images.

Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.

Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.

Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long.

Thou shalt not kill.

Thou shalt not commit adultery.

Thou shalt not steal.

Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.


Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house.

i have the urge to get dressed up a step out like a boss. ya know cologn sunglasses the whole bit, idk where i wanna go i just go out looking straight legit.

hmm 59 blogs

that wont do gotta make it an even 60

so my jaw has been dislocated for about 4 days now. ive tried enerything to get it back located. just one of the joys of having tmj

its kinda depressing to think no anywhere understands me sometimes i wish i could find just one person that does

silence is golden
death is cold
then i guess life should be warm and the dearest thing you hold.

Damn

Damn now I don't have you to blog about how much I love and miss you. What am I supposed to blog about now?

I'm filled with doubt, how could this be I though I had it all figured out. I can't help but miss the way I used to be, I knew then, I had no doubt. Why did I change and become what I am for you, you've always had me confused and turned my head into a swirling mess

ive come to the conclusion that im not relationship material and i never will be, so i might as well just give up and stop trying to force it.

if only you realized how close you are to losing who u hold so close and dear. if only you knew. would u try to fix it? or would u just continue down this path?

so i see you in 6 days. im excited it feels like i havent seen u in so much longer that just 5 weeks. idk what i want to say to you. i feel like theres something running and hiding in my mind. idk whatever i give up. i miss you though.
i shouldent gamble ever, and i mean ever.
idk im just in a really weird mood right now and idk why. its really annoying that i cant figure this out.

i tried to say i hate you but those words never left my mouth. all that came out was that i love you more than you ever know.
i tried to say i want you out of my life. all that i could say was never leave me.
is it that i can never say what i really want or is it that i say what i really want to but not what i think i really want to.

hmm today was a somewhat rough day. i got like 4 hours of sleep last night, i still got up and went to writing though. my throat is sore i think peters room mate got us both sick, he probably gave us like SARS or like bird flu or something, grr i am way over my sickness quota. then this afternoon i got hit by one of those waves of missing her, this wasnt one of those regular ones this one was more like a tsunami and as much as i feel like a totally bitch for admiting this, i was on the verge of crying, it just hit me in the chest hard it physically hurt, that really sucked, i feel like the closer i get to seeing her the harder it is and the more i miss her, *sigh* this needs to be over soon.

your voice in my ears, your smile in my eyes, your kiss on my lips all thats missing is your body in my arms.
if only you knew what you do to me, i doubt ill ever be able to put into words the way you make me feel or the things you do to me, but ill try to come close. you need to know how youve affected me and i know i tell all these things that youve done but ive only peeled off a couple layers, and i know im gonna spend a multitude of words telling you what uve accomplished and how great i think you are. you may not believe me every time i tell you but its always true every word i say to you is the truth, if you dont believe me or even if you do and want an explinaton just ask me and ill gladly explain to you.

i love you and i hate you all at the same him.
maybe i should reword that and put it all in a rhyme.
yeh yeh that will sound a little nicer
yeh that will soften the blow lead you not to disdain this writer.
but maybe i want these words to be harsh
not soft like a
but will you develop a hate for me
will these words conceal the point i want you to see

ive written so many blogs about you,it quite disgusting i admit it and yet im gonna keep doing it whats wrong with me. not that i dont want to just feel like im becoming one of those people that really annoy me like the ones that their girlfriend is all they care about, i know im not but im still uber sensitive about becoming one. i wont become one though its just not in my personality. this is just the place where i express feelings that i have no other place to express them.
did i just have an argument with myself in my blog? i think i did. oh well

hmm what to blog what to blog....
so yesterday was our 7 month we both totally forgot til i outa the blue remembered at 11:30 at night. thats a long time thats like 3.5 "long term" relationships for me i guess i cant have that two month rule any more. oh well shit happens.
so yeh...
this world is a crazy place so much shit has happened so much has changed and so much has remained the same. it grat and horrible at the same time, its quite the connundrum trying to figure it out.
i want to write a song idk what about though. i really wish i was artistic, not even just drawing but i just wish i was creative like i feel creative ideas trying to get out they just cant idk whats blocking them though.

we're becoming one of those cute gross couples that used to annoy me. you know whats even worse? i love every second of it

can you be my one? can you be my only? can you be my love for life? cause thats what i want you to be.
its gonna be a long 13 days omg

15 days
youre beautiful, i know i dont tell you enough but know that you are even when i dont say it and you dont think you are, know that you are and that i think you do.
your the first thing i think about when i, i wake up and the last thing i think about before i go to sleep, that sounds so cliche but its true. you forever haunt my dreams and thoughts but youre one ghost id never get an exorcist for. id say how much i love you but i realized i dont even know how much its too much for me to measure for me to do that would taint it and i would never want to taint our love. i am grateful for every moment we have together. the butterflies still flutter and i still get a tingeling through out my body when i see you its not nerves its just pure joy that i get to see you.
i love you more than you or i know

so um hi
i love u i miss u you, i miss hearing your voice, i miss u scent, i miss holding u in my arms feeling your body connecting with mine, i miss looking ur beautiful blue eyes and i miss felling that extacy i feel when im with you.
just thought id let you know

so um yeh 18 days.
i finally get that whole sniffing ur gf/bf clothes thing.

have you you ever seen a person and just thought to yourelf "that persons parents should be shot for having that monstrtocity they call a child. like seriously u have to know how hidious that thing is, like you just shouldent let that out in public, you should lock it in a cage in the basement and feed it through a tiny hole its bad enough you created it, we shouldent be forced to suffer by looking at it" theres some people i feel that if i beat them in and around the face with a blunt instrument theyd be so much less offensive to my eyes. why should i be foreced to suffer just cause it looked like you were beaten with the ugly stick, then the entire ugly tree fell on you and rolled over you, then you were walking down disgusting street and the hidious car hit u backed up, ran i over and then drove back over you about 5 times, then a couple years later you were hit by the grotesque train. you should just put a paper bag over your head, you should be arrested for violating my 8th amendment cause having to see you is definitely cruel and unusual punishment.

you ever have the urge to just run up on someone and be like *shank shank* "you dead fool".
I should make a fat girl skinned rug. like they have bear and tiger skin rugs. like theyd be about the same size. i think thatd look good in my living room. just skin her throw an apple in her mouth and there u go throw that infront of the fire place. thatd be a nice little piece to have.
speaking of fat girls i still need to find me a fat girl here to take care of me and do my laundry and stuff. i gotta get on that

we dont say it enough but just so you know. I love you

sometimes....

sometimes i wish i didnt love you,
sometimes i wish i care.
sometimes i wonder why do this to myself.
sometimes i wish i could stop.
sometimes i wish u would stop being so stubborn so i could just end it.
sometimes i wish u would stop being the most amazing girlfriend so id even have the slightest reason to end it.
sometimes i wonder what itd be like if i just gave up trying.
sometimes i wish i didnt want to spend every waking moment with you.
sometimes i wish that i didnt spend every moment missing you.
sometimes you really have no idea how i feel about you and i dont think ill find the words to express it, just know this i care about you more than you realize.

soul of a poet
mind of a problem solver
legs of a runner
curiosity peaked easily
spirit of a lover
spirit of a hater
spirit of a fighter
the sweet caring guy
the douchbag
the one you couldent live without
the one you wish you never met
the son
the brother
but is this me?
i dont know you tell me
what am i to you
am i any of this?
all of this?
or something totally different
i am me i am what i say i am
but am i realy?
im whatever you say i am
but in the end im me
whether i am what i say i am
or whatever you say i am
i am me and im not changing that for anyone but me

as you lay wishing to fade away,
you sink, you thrash you wonder,
whats going on?
where are you?
whats happening?
all you wanted to do was fade quietly
you feel a warmth engulf you
you feel a darkness get ripped from your chest.
what is this?
you feel something missing
a hollowness is now where this lunp of darkness was,
a torrent rips tou from your thoughts
u see the darkenss above you getting thrown into light
you yourself are being thrown around in this ocean,
this ocean of purity,
you reaise rushing into you
where that darkness had be ripped from
there is the ocean rushing
you feel no pain,
you feel nothing
you are tossed around
and then the purity lurches out of u
and u see something coming towards you
u recongnize it as the darkness that was once inside you
its not not darkness anymore however,
now its is the inexplicable lump of cleased purity
it is placed back in into your chest
you are plaved back to your laying spot as if nothing had occured
you thank whatever that was because
u have been cleansed,
you are welcome
and you no longer wish to fade into darkeness
you wish to live and be see
and you are welcome

vibing to music flips the switch from a depressed mood to a chill mood in no time its kind of amazing, just gotta find that song. how is it that i have over 190 cds and i dont know what to listen to? guess that just a sign i have too much or i need more im going with the latter cause i like that reason better lol.

so umm yeh i miss u i want to see u now but ive gotta wait 6 weeks and a day, never knew i could miss some one like this i only saw u a couple days ago, i sound like such i bitch, a times im wondering if i force myself to be in this relationsip and force myself to feel this way just to prove a point to myself, cause i know im not ready for a relationship thatll last i thought i was but when i really think about it i know i im not cause theres still things that are affecting me the same things that have always been keeping me from being in legit relationships, this is my first legit realationship and im thinking abnout it and i knows these issues are what is going to prevent it from really progressing guess this is why i dont think especially about my own issues, but i kinda evicted anyone that had me dealing with their issues and they were what were keeping me from focusing on my problems so now i only have my own to deal with guess its my time to work through them, idk if im ready for that though, i dont think i am but it doesent really seem like i have a choice in the matter. i thought i was done with all this guess i wasnt damn it this is not healthy for this relationship fuck i did so much to get this one girl, i have a feeling im gonna fuck it up while im working my way through this, and i know shes gonna try to fight to keep me but you shouldent do that not this time, i just hope u find it in you to give me a third chance after i work through all this.

have you ever gotten that feeling that you want to do something different but you dont know what it is last time i did i got a piercing i dont remember what i did the time before that, but usually id change girls cause usually shed be the boring part of my life that needs the change thats not the case this time i dont want to do that and i dont think i could even if i wanted to with this one. this ones like tyson when hes losing a boxing match shed bite off and ear before she admitted defeat, shes a pain in the ass like that she wont let me get rid of her but i love her for that.

so yeh its snowed everyday here this week yesterday it snowed all day its was ridiculous atleast its not alota snow at once though its only like 1-2 inches although it really doesent affect me how much it snows ill be going to class anyway. snow has lost that zest that it had when i was younger now its just a pain in the ass. people are like "oh its pretty" im like its white? thats so much prettier? if it was a bunch of white people covering the landscape dont think youd be saying that.

what moron crashes his plain into a random irs buiding in texas? oh wait hes from texas that explain so much. but seriously you have a plain and a house to burn down how serous could ur problems witht the irs be like if they havent taken those yet your in pretty freaking good shape. add that to the list of reason i can live in texas. there really arent that many places i could live honestly.

im having far less patience for people who irritate me, what used to irritate me mildly so that i could ignore them they are to the point that i have to leave or ill do bodily harm to the person seriously its that bad. idk whatever they just need to stay outa may way.

p.s i miss u

its been over 3 years i hate that u still affect me but i fear u always will

sometimes i wish i had a talent or was good at something, i wish i wasnt an artistic retard. itd be nice if i was actually good at something thatd be such a big help right now.

sometimes u wish my thoughts would get beamed to the tv and be a 24 hour tv show like i come up with some interesting stuff that never gets out. like id watch that show.

Psalms 23

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He maketh me to lie down in green [1] pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest [2] my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever. [3]

possible future tattoo

sometimes, well most of the time i wonder if she is really this perfect or am i just blinded? i really hope its that shes really this perfect cause its really gonna hurt a hell of alot when my vision clears up and i finially realize shes not, im really not looking forward to that

sometimes i wish someone understood what i was going through and that i had someone to talk about all that ive been holding in and dealing with, i really think i need help. and no no matter how much u guys tell me that i can talk to u and offer and stuff i just cant talk to u and u really cant help, i say im fine but im not but im guessing this is as fine as ill ever be....

the calvin calzone

im like uber bored right now and idk what to do with myself.
so ive come to the conclusion that Kaufman is obsessed with my junk, like seriously what guy nicknames another guys junk unless its his boyfriend or u want it or something. so either he wants in for his own or he wants it in and around him, either one isnt gonna happen. this is another reason he cant be my roomate next year id wake up to him like worshiping it or building a shrine to it, of id wake u to him fapping away (masterbating), like id just wake up and all id here was fap fap fap "oh the calvin calzone i want it so much i want it in me so bad" oh god hed just bust (cum/orgasm)like all over the walls hed coat all the walls around me bed, oh god so so so many levels of wrong. idk why he named it the calvin calzone, like i know he likes calzones idk if he wants it is his mouth to see what its filled with hes envisioning that it tastes like its filled with meat and cheeses idk. im hoping its just penis envy (according to him hes not working with much) and not that he has some kinda gay urge for me and he wants me like that. im leaning towards pemis envy cause hes recently names peters and jeremys junk too (the peter penis and the jeremy javelin). i know waaaayyyy too much about the bung guys junk. oh god im gonna be stuck in a car with him for 4 hours tomorrow well technically today, he better not irritate me or im just gonna kill him, hes so abrasive.
oh well this all started for a funny FML i read.
Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

so yeh...

i know i havent blogged in a while i really should blog more and i want to, i just havent been able to focus on a thought for a couple days idk why. but i really like the friends ive made here theyre really chill. kaufman and scott i can do without though. and its nice having friends up here that have their cars.
for some reason im constatly spelling without as withought idk why but so far ive caught myself doing it so i dont spell it wrong and look like an idiot.

my blue eyed princess

my blue eyed princess,
i look into your eyes and i see past that sparkle
past blue shimmer that appear as if someone shined sapphires,
and bejeweled your eyes at birth.
i see deeper a see your soul
i see my soul
and i see as the entwine and meld
as each moment we get closer and closer
to being one entinty.

my blue eyed princess,
you are my love,
my joy,
my light in the dark,
the light at the end of this tunnel,
you guide me through my darkest moments,
and each time i am always drawn back to you.

my blue eyed princess,
you brighten my days,
and make my nights sparkle,
you gave me that glimmer of hope,
that someone was out there for me,
for all this i thank you.

you are my blue eyed princess,
and i am your knight in shining armour,
here to protect you and provide,
you with anything youll ever need.

my blue eyed princess i love you,
i love you more and more with every beat of my heart.

-written with love,
your knight

blah

so idk today was kind of a blah day i woke up late which idk didnt bother me i wasnt like shit i was just like ok whatever let me get dressed and go to class. idk i was a chill and whatever, i participated in classs alot, i really like that story. but yeh the rest of my day is pretty much a blur i went to the gym which is good need to hit that shit hard to get results. then i had dinner nothing special i need to get kaufman a and scott colume control or im gonna go deaf i realized that i have somewhat sensitive hearing. then i watched a beast episode of house with shane and a couple other people. so it was an ok day. oh yeh today is the frirst day well technically the second day of black history month. woo! where are my reparations? lamo imagine the black half of baracky needs to kick in and start handing out some mother fucking raparations.
so apparently the first valentines day that ill have a girlfriend ill be spending it alone anyway. woo! imagine id i cared and did hate the world before.
so umm yeh why am i doing this again? ok i know i love her and all that bullshit but still. moments like this make me realize how much i love her the fact that me not being with her makes me feel like a piece of me is missing, thats so cliche and i hate saying that cause then i sound like one of those people and that really irritates me cause i dont want to be one of them, ok im in love i admit it but im not one of those corny cliche spewing people they just annoy me. but idk i really miss her, i really want to be with her righ now and i cant, i have to wait another 8 weeks til i can see her. like i knew this when i came up and i was fine last week but idk what it is about today but idk missing her just hit me and i cant stop thinking about her, idk what triggered it, but i thought wecamming would help but it did it just made things worse cause there she was right infront of me and i can see her but im not with her i cant hold her and just cuddle, is that so much to ask for to be able to cuddle and hold the one you love ofcoure it is why should i get one thing i really and deeply want. i just love how i finally match up with someone that is so close to a perfect match for me and nothing is easy its just fucking fantastic, if its not the fact that her parents forbade her from dating me which i personally love u like me but i cant date ur daughter cause u dont appove of interatial couples,i must say that is some of the most forward thinking ideology ive ever heard thats just so freaking intelligent, you dont even know me yeh i just love that, its like mlk died for nothing but whatever hold ur ideologies normally i wouldent give a shit be racists and bigots good for u, but now this is actually affecting me and thats when it bothers me. so now we've been dating for almost 6 months and they dont know now really i dont care if they know but the fact that we have to hide id and sneak around thats what really really bothers me like im 18 im past that age of running around and hiding and sneaking shit seriously im a man i shouldent have to hide shit im mature fuck that shit. i know i havent really said anything about it bothering me but thats cause i just figured i was being a bitch so i sucked it up and dealt with it, but honestly thats one thing that really bothers me deeply. guess theres nothingwe can do about it except keep doing what we're doing but really no i cant do that thats just not who i am. ive held in too much shit over the years that have bothered me and they just fester i gotta stop doing that ive got too many issues as it is i dont need more.

sober thoughts 5

We're born a boy with dreams of becoming a man. But not all of us reach that goal some of us just grow to become a bigger boy

sober thought 4

As i lay here missing you i dream of the day i can once again be entwined with you.

sober thoughts 3

Cant stop thinking about you cant stop dreaming about you everytime i close my eyes its your face i see.

sober thought 2

when i said i loved you i meant that forever. And when i said that youre mine i meant death to anyone that tried to take you from me.

sober thoughts

so idk if its just me or what but saying goodbye this time was way easier, i think its part cause i did it before and i knew what to expect and i knew what things not to think about so that i wouldent get all upset and what not and part because i turned down the emotions dial im so happy still able to do that i have manipulated my emotions in a while i was kinda worried i wasnt gonna be able to do it but it just all came back to me. so i think im gonna keep them turned down for the semester not gonna torture myself like i did all last semster cant have that happen again the whole being depressed and shit that shit just aint me ive been doing alota things that are outa my character with this girl most of them arent bad and i dont mind but this whole missing her like crazy shit and being depressed and letting her hold me back like i did last semester thats not happening this semester, so im turning down the emotional dial a hell of alot and bring out a little bit of the old me not the relationship endangering part like the nubers game or anything its just the extra parts that are needed for me to be able to keep my emotions in check.
i find amazing how far ive come, if you told me a couple years ago this is where id be now i wouldent believe you hell if you told me a couple months ago this is where id be i wouldent have believed you. im one of those people now you know the relationship people and no matter how disgusting that thought is to me thats what i am now and i really dont mind it. like i realized im up here over 200 miles away from her and theres quality females all around me and guess what theyre not temptation like i see some really nice quality walk by and im just like ok thats nice good for u whatever wow wtf happened to me. oh well i dont mind too much
so umm yeh 9 weeks. i say bring it on.
umm yeh thats all i have for right i think thats enough dont you?....

1st day

so today was the first day of class. i like this having my earliest class at 10:50 i think 10 is my time to wake up. writing 111 should be easy im not worried about that. history shouldent be bad either its basically european history with actaual history not all art like with sesso. the professor is so boring though i have the urge to kill myself just to escape the bordom. you can tell hes not used to teaching hes one of those that knows his stuff but isnt gonna teach well, so we'll see how that goes.
so im hitting the gym tomorrow i really need to do this i need to hit that gym and hit it hard.

round 2

im back lol.
so apparently my mom thinks im having all kinds of sex or that im some kind of casenova or something. like i really must give off that vibe that im some kind of sexual savant or something or like im getting all kinds of girls comming at me 24/7 spread eagle i only wish that were true well not like id do anything with them but damn id have one hell of an ego. but yeh anyway moving on after she dropped me off she was like "i didnt get u any condoms" im like "im good taras at home what am i gonna do" shes like "well i dont know what you do", im like umm ok 2 things did i just tell my mom me and my gf are having sex and 2. omg my mother thinks im having so much more sex that i am thats kinda depressing im not living up to my moms expectations lol. like the thought process went through her head oh he should be done with the 12 pack by now he'll need more for all the sex he'll be having this semester. this is my mother just wow

blog diarreah

word so im back in bing finally kinda felt like i never left in a way but in other ways i gotta get used to the being in college and away thing but yeh im happy to be back i really like being away. but yeh this is my working semester ive got a beast scheduel with easy classes i need straight A's and i plan to get them.
i realized that ive been thinking alot lately like analyzong things and whatnot i havent done that in a while i guess my brain has been off for a few months it neeeded a rest and now its back and ready for action.
so im getting a gym membership this semester thats another thing im working on my body ive been bitching and moaning about being skinny and not muscular so im gonna finally legit do something about it ive tried in the past but every time i wouldent stick with it this time i am. oh god i hope i dont turn into a phil and always telling people about how muscular i am and shit lmao imagine not gonna happen.
i still want to do something different and idk what it is, i dont want another piercing yet so idk i feel like ive been doing the same shit forever i just want a change i just dont know what yet guess thats the problem with having the same routine forever u dont know any other way.
i like this whole blogging concept its kinda fun i guess u can say its not the right word but i cant think of the word to describe it but oh well whatever, i like it and thats all that matter. its always like oh idk what to write so thats why i might skip a day but when i do force myself to start it all just comes out like jay said i just get bloggers diarreah ok thats such a wierd spelling of that word if u think about it. i dont think ive ever written that word before in my life cool.
there is so much temptation up here but then at the same time theres not cause i know im not gonna do anything so its really not temptation cause im not tempted to do anything theres is just alot of attractive females up here and i can appreciate that but seriously what straight guy cant appreciate and attractive female when they see one.
i fell like this is incomplete and that i have more to say but idk nothing is coming right this second if it does all just blog again.

apocalyptica

so im hella bored right know listening to some apocalyptica. i must say i really like them, its not about the lyrics its all about the instrumentals and im am thoroughly impressed at how sick this chello metal sounds. these guys are clasically trained finish chelloist and its just sick. thanks jay for introducing them to me. another great choice in music.

end transmission

Pull the top down, use your knees to drive.
I'll make it worth your while just let me taste the sky.
You pressed your mouth on mine and fed me a star
Then said "we never can truly know who we are."
Know who we are.

With the lights out and the night inside
The broken radio was playing suicide.
I felt myself falling.
I confessed to you "I saw a body."
You said you'd seen a few.

This night has only just begun.
If there's discretion that you've not abandoned now's the time.
We'll burn to best the morning's son.
Go grab your bag I'll bring the gun, the gun.

Keep the top down use your knees to drive.
I'll hide these words. They're only yours to find.
You pressed your mouth on mine and said they'd call us stars.
You said "we never can truly know who we are."

This night has only just begun.
If there's discretion that you've not abandoned now's the time.
We'll burn to best the morning's son.
Go grab your bag I'll bring the gun, the gun.

Everything was burning bright.
Everyone was frightened.
You said stay strong.
Everybody knowing that what we'd invited
Still remains when we're gone.

This night has only just begun.
If there's discretion that you've not abandoned now's the time.
We'll burn to best the morning's son.
Go grab your bag I'll bring the gun, oh.

This night has only just begun.
If there's discretion that you've not abandoned now's the time.
We'll burn to best the morning's son.
Go grab your bag I'll bring the gun, the gun.
I'll bring the gun
Oh...

2 days

so word i leave in 2 days woot woot. im kinda excited for next semester like i did horrible last semester but im gonna beast out this semester and just make these classes my bitch just bend them over a nd just fuck them prison style.
but yeh nothing really happened today i finally got my hair cut and my beard trimmed so im not on bum status anymore.
burn notice is a beast show. its no NCIS but then again nothing is.
so umm yeh thats all i have for right now, im pretty sure more will come later.

?

so im going back to school in a couple days. is it bad that im happy about the fact that ill be 4 hours and 290 miles away from my girlfriend? now dont get me wrong i love her and i love spending time with her and i do miss her when im not with her but idk, i guess its because its what im used to and its what ive grown comfortable with. like i used to see her everyday and i was ok with that, but ive gotten used to not seeing her everyday and i guess i really didnt readjust to seeing her so often again. i kinda feel like shes getting clingy which i know shes not, idk guess the whole me never being in a legit relationship factor is coming through, thats really a bullshit excuse and should really stop using it. ok im gonna put something out there, the real reason i dont like relationships and i always try to bail out as fast as i can is because im afraid of becoming my fasther and cheat so i always try to "escape" before i get too deep and involved in a relationship, cause i dont want to risk that. cause frankily i like girls alot and i like alota different girls, thats not even true right now cause theres only one girl that has my attention right now, wow thats a scary thought i dont even know what i was trying to stay when i started this its not like i want to be far away from her but at the same time i do. yeh i know confusing im confusing myself right now. grr this is annoying just when i think ive gotten ove my issues i realize i havent. omg eww gross let me stop im starting to sound like one of those whiny annoying bitches.
so yeh random thought =3 is hella funny RayWilliamJohnson. i was straight doing your mom.

ok im way too tired to do a legit blog right now my brain isnt working all the way this is all i got. but today was a good day :)

corner its first grade

so i think im gonna give anyone that wants to talk to me a spelling test before they get the privilage of talking to me

not the new twitter

i think i need to get up on my blogspot blogging game so this doesent turn out like my twitter i start it use it for a little then forget to use, cause i actually like this so i gotta keep up with this.

sleepy

so yeh idk what to write so im gonna go with random shit woot lets go. so yesterday was my 5 month im pretty sure thats the longest block of time straight ive had a girlfriend go me. so yeh some people shouldent lie they are really bad at it if your gonna lie atleast be good at it, if your gonna be that bad you should just tell the truth. yeh so im really sleepy idk why oh well thats all i got for now i think im gonna pass out.

my future ex-wives

My singing wife



My dancing wife


My cooking wife

blog 1

yeh so so i didnt blog yesterday idk what happened i just totally forgot, i didnt think about anything to blog yesterday so that might have been part of the reason oh well im just gonna have to blog twice today i already have my second blog planned out. i have a feeling im not gonna do that whole journal deep thoughts thing too often thats just not me.
so yeh me and jay are gonna be those people i used to make fun of all the time and go visit the high school today. should be interesting. oh and having no money suckes ass. but im not complaining too much atleast im not one of those people in rwanada getting raped in the ass lol thanks ma for always seeing the line and always crossing it by alot

hmmm...

i need a water proof tape recorder to put in the shower thats wehre i get my best ideas and as soon as i get out i lose them. damn. like i just had basically my entire blog thought out and then by the time i get outa the shower and come upstairs to write it i totally forgot it fuck, it was a good one too oh well.
i think it was something about making this blog like my daily journal putting down my thoughts and what not instead of just random stuff. since i know you two are the only ones that are gonna read it and id probably tell u guys anyway. crap what was it it was good stuff too.
i think it was something like saying that ive never had an outlet for whats on my mind and whats bothering me and what my problems are cause i dont want to burden people with my problems and every has theyre problems i they dont need to worry about mine yet thats what i do i help people with theyre problems and always cram mine away thats not the healthies thing so i think im gonna stop doing that and use this as a place to do that. i find it funny how i told mom im depressed and her first reaction is to tell me to get over myself and then today shes like im worried about u waiting too long to tell me when something is wrong cause i told her not to worry about me. and aparently she worried im suicidal. im not gonna kill myself and if i was i wasnt gonna be one of those attention seeking idiots, id just do it and shed have no idea when i was gonna do it.

p.s. Ke$ha id hit that. jay google her.

....

so i figured three days of ranting was enough so im gonna go a different route today. i was considering doing a recap of 2009 then i realized there is no way i was gonna be able to do that since my memory is crap and i forget alot. i think jay and i are gonna have to team up to do that one. so ive finally decided to do things for me live life for me and only me and do what i want and not care what other people think and what not cause really when it comes down to it your the only one that matters. you came into this world alone and your gonna leave it alone so why should you give a damn about anyone else they dont matter at all. thats just one of my little life theories there are alot ill put them in sporatically. so its 2010 what are we gonna call these theyve had 10 years to figure this out and they still dont knwo and seriously they made that a news story what to call this decade thats just pathetic that they couldent find any other important news stories. but thats whatever im used to them putting in those retarted fluff pieces. yeh random thought that just popped into my head that happens alot, hmm i should link this to my phone i get random thoughts all the time so that way i can just text them whenever i get them. hmm i should tweet more maybe ill make that my random thoght spot oh well i ll figure it out, shit am i talking to myself yeh i think i am oh well i do that all the time its fun though its fun to talk to yourself in the third person it kinda gives the illusion that your talking to ta different person, try it out some time. so i think im gonna make fuck my word of the year, its one of if not the most versatile words in the english language. think about it.

dr. phil

Dispite what everyone might think im not dr. phil. i am not your personal therapist so dont constantly come to me with your problems, its fine every now and then but not everytime you talk to me your life cant be that bad and from what youve told me its not, so dont come at me with "i hate my life" cause your life is honestly that bad so stop being such whiny bitches oh boo hoo poor you your having guy problems big fucking woop your not the first and only one to ever have relationship problems but i have an uber simple solution to your problem stop going out with total dirtbags seriously i tell you theyre dirtbads and then you come back to me to bitch about the shit they did well big fucking surprise thats what happens when you dont listen to me and then even after they do fucked up shit you still go out with them again and then your surprised when they do something again and you come to me expecting sympathy? well your not getting it here you were a dumb bitch and you got what you deserved. one of them tried to rape you and then a couple months later you come to me saying that your talking to him again and that you might love him and that he changed are you fucking retarted? and i tell you thats total bullshit and your all hurt and upset when he says all he wants from you is sex? big fucking surprise. i am baffled though that someone would want only sex from you your not attractive like not even in the slightest frankly that thought is just disgusting and makes me want to hurl but i guess if your that desperate to come to you for sex youll have sex with anything. but i digress on to the next one. ok my onlyt advice to you is get over him you were stuck on the same guy for three years thats just pathetic, three years get over it move on he doesent want your fat ass anymore. ok so youve finally gotten ove him and youve found someone else only problem is hes 28 and your 18 ok thats not even the major problem in this scenario the major thing is the little fact that HES MARRIED AND HAS A CHILD, so i tell you to stay away and you come at me with this bullshit "oh i cant there is just something about him i cant" that is by far one of the dumbest things ive ever heard ok so you like a married guy ok whatever thats all good and dandy so then you go on to tell me well we've been flirting and talking and holding hands and kissing and then you say something that blew my mind "thats not cheating we're not having sex so thats not cheating" since when do you have to have sex to cheat on someone? and then youre like oh its no big deal and you dont have any sympathy cause your not the one in the relationship. so your fine with being the side hoe? that just screams a good person doesent it. so i gave up on trying to show you how wrong it is and just tell you dont fall for this guy and what do you do? you fall for him and then your coming to me saying you fell in love with him and your all upset cause u cant have him you knew this when u first started having feelings for him its not some kinda new revalation so dont come bitching to me that your love life sucks and that you cant have him cause i dont give a damn stop being such a whiny bitch and get over it. if your gonna come to me for advice atleast listen to it and follow my advice cause i dont say it for my own good i say it for yours. If you really believe your lives are so horrible before you come to me and waste my time just kill yourself just do yourself and whoever has to listen to ur insesant whining namely me a favor and just end it put all of us out of your misery.

just an f.y.i

ok im gonna let you people in on a little sercret im my own independent person no one can get me to do anything i really want to or not want to do, no one can influence my opinion. so going to him to try to get him to talk me out of something or to put in a good word for you doesent work ok he knows me really well but he doesent control me or my thoughts. so let me give you a little advice if there is anything that involves you and i dont go to him cause hes not gonna do shit to help your case come to me cause im the one that it involves and that matters. he could talk and tell me things til he was hoarse its not gonna help you im a stubborn person and ive got my own mind and he cant change it. it really irritates me when you drag him into our problems or situations, if i wanted him involved i would have brought him into the loop myself hes got his own shit to deal with certain things i keep him out of for a reason frankly its not his business and i dont need him knowing everything. so in summary if there is an issue come to me not him because im the only one that has any effect on the situation.

Fat ugly people

Dear all you fat and ungly people that think your attractive im gonna let you in on a little secret ur not omg ur the farthest thing from it. Honestly just stop ur fat ur ugly so act like it. dont wear tight and revealing clothes, i know i sure as hell dont want to see every crack and crevace of u and to see all ur rolls and im sure no one else wants to see that. I admit i used to have a thing for fat girl i have no idea why that is its not something im proud of but it happened. but i dont have a problem with fat people or ugly people its the ones that act like theyre hot, YOURE NOT HOT!!!! just accept that and act like what u are fat and ugly. the world would be better off that way