blah

so idk today was kind of a blah day i woke up late which idk didnt bother me i wasnt like shit i was just like ok whatever let me get dressed and go to class. idk i was a chill and whatever, i participated in classs alot, i really like that story. but yeh the rest of my day is pretty much a blur i went to the gym which is good need to hit that shit hard to get results. then i had dinner nothing special i need to get kaufman a and scott colume control or im gonna go deaf i realized that i have somewhat sensitive hearing. then i watched a beast episode of house with shane and a couple other people. so it was an ok day. oh yeh today is the frirst day well technically the second day of black history month. woo! where are my reparations? lamo imagine the black half of baracky needs to kick in and start handing out some mother fucking raparations.
so apparently the first valentines day that ill have a girlfriend ill be spending it alone anyway. woo! imagine id i cared and did hate the world before.
so umm yeh why am i doing this again? ok i know i love her and all that bullshit but still. moments like this make me realize how much i love her the fact that me not being with her makes me feel like a piece of me is missing, thats so cliche and i hate saying that cause then i sound like one of those people and that really irritates me cause i dont want to be one of them, ok im in love i admit it but im not one of those corny cliche spewing people they just annoy me. but idk i really miss her, i really want to be with her righ now and i cant, i have to wait another 8 weeks til i can see her. like i knew this when i came up and i was fine last week but idk what it is about today but idk missing her just hit me and i cant stop thinking about her, idk what triggered it, but i thought wecamming would help but it did it just made things worse cause there she was right infront of me and i can see her but im not with her i cant hold her and just cuddle, is that so much to ask for to be able to cuddle and hold the one you love ofcoure it is why should i get one thing i really and deeply want. i just love how i finally match up with someone that is so close to a perfect match for me and nothing is easy its just fucking fantastic, if its not the fact that her parents forbade her from dating me which i personally love u like me but i cant date ur daughter cause u dont appove of interatial couples,i must say that is some of the most forward thinking ideology ive ever heard thats just so freaking intelligent, you dont even know me yeh i just love that, its like mlk died for nothing but whatever hold ur ideologies normally i wouldent give a shit be racists and bigots good for u, but now this is actually affecting me and thats when it bothers me. so now we've been dating for almost 6 months and they dont know now really i dont care if they know but the fact that we have to hide id and sneak around thats what really really bothers me like im 18 im past that age of running around and hiding and sneaking shit seriously im a man i shouldent have to hide shit im mature fuck that shit. i know i havent really said anything about it bothering me but thats cause i just figured i was being a bitch so i sucked it up and dealt with it, but honestly thats one thing that really bothers me deeply. guess theres nothingwe can do about it except keep doing what we're doing but really no i cant do that thats just not who i am. ive held in too much shit over the years that have bothered me and they just fester i gotta stop doing that ive got too many issues as it is i dont need more.