the calvin calzone

im like uber bored right now and idk what to do with myself.
so ive come to the conclusion that Kaufman is obsessed with my junk, like seriously what guy nicknames another guys junk unless its his boyfriend or u want it or something. so either he wants in for his own or he wants it in and around him, either one isnt gonna happen. this is another reason he cant be my roomate next year id wake up to him like worshiping it or building a shrine to it, of id wake u to him fapping away (masterbating), like id just wake up and all id here was fap fap fap "oh the calvin calzone i want it so much i want it in me so bad" oh god hed just bust (cum/orgasm)like all over the walls hed coat all the walls around me bed, oh god so so so many levels of wrong. idk why he named it the calvin calzone, like i know he likes calzones idk if he wants it is his mouth to see what its filled with hes envisioning that it tastes like its filled with meat and cheeses idk. im hoping its just penis envy (according to him hes not working with much) and not that he has some kinda gay urge for me and he wants me like that. im leaning towards pemis envy cause hes recently names peters and jeremys junk too (the peter penis and the jeremy javelin). i know waaaayyyy too much about the bung guys junk. oh god im gonna be stuck in a car with him for 4 hours tomorrow well technically today, he better not irritate me or im just gonna kill him, hes so abrasive.
oh well this all started for a funny FML i read.
Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML